


Coffee Shops and Law Suits

by charliechick117



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Gen, Lawyers, M/M, Still fantasy though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-07
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-01-03 15:43:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 13,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1072230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charliechick117/pseuds/charliechick117
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin runs Erebor Law and is in a raging lawsuit against the dragon, Smaug, when a little hobbit comes to be his intern.  Meanwhile, Dwalin has found the most incredible coffee in the entire city- and perhaps the cutest barrista as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Shop

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Week of Dwalin/Ori](https://archiveofourown.org/works/714080) by [charliechick117](https://archiveofourown.org/users/charliechick117/pseuds/charliechick117). 



> The coffee shop chapter in the Week of Dwalin/Ori had taken a huge life of it's own in my head, so here it comes.
> 
> Also, I'm not a coffee drinker, so this is going to be bad. Any/all advice is welcome.

Dwalin found the shop quite by accident.  He was on his way to work, Thorin calling him in early for some advice, when he walked past something that smelt divine.  Turning back, he saw a little hole-in-the-wall coffee shop.  He had a few minutes to spare and missed his coffee that morning.

The shop was relatively empty, being rather early in the morning.  It had a quaint, cozy sort of feel.  The menu was written in colorful chalk on a board over the register and the smell of coffee permeated the air.

Behind the counter stood a slight dwarf, his hair a messy caramel color as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.  At the sound of the bell, he looked up and smiled at Dwalin.

"Can I help you?" he asked brightly.

"Coffee," Dwalin said.  "Black, to go please."

"Sure thing," the dwarf said, moving into motion.  "You must work at Erebor Law."

"Yeah," Dwalin said.

"Anything exciting happening up there?" he asked, pouring the coffee into a travel mug.

"Thorin's got a lawsuit against Smaug," Dwalin said casually.

The dwarf looked up at Dwalin and raised his eyebrows, "You're going to need another shot of espresso in that."

"Pardon?" Dwalin asked.

"Thorin is in a lawsuit against a dragon, you'll need help," the dwarf snapped the lid in place and slid it across the counter.

"Thanks," Dwalin pulled out his wallet.

"No," the dwarf shook his head.  "On the house this time."

Dwalin hesitantly took his coffee mug.  "What's your name?"

"Ori," the dwarf lad said brightly.  "Yours?"

"Dwalin."

"Well, Dwalin," Ori said with a soft smile, "come back soon."


	2. The Intern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin never wanted an intern to help him, but Balin had insisted that this lawsuit against Smaug was too big for just Thorin to handle.

"You have to get an intern, Thorin," Balin said, slamming his hands on Thorin's desk.  "Smaug is going to tear us apart and he might burn down our building just because.  You need an intern."

"I do not!" Thorin said, pacing his office.  "I am doing just fine, I do not need a little intern to come mess up my office."

"You are in a lawsuit with a dragon," Balin insisted.  "You need someone who is cunning.  Someone who is not a dwarf."

"You didn't," Thorin turned to Balin, narrowing his eyes.

"His name is Bilbo Baggins, he's a hobbit."

"You hired a  _halfling_ to be my intern?!" Thorin roared.

"He is smart, resourceful, and he knows dragons," Balin said as Thorin seethed.

"I don't care," Thorin growled.

"Deal with it," Balin said with a note of finality.  "You need help and this hobbit can help."

In came one of the softest, gentlest looking halflings Thorin had ever seen.  He practically quivered in Thorin's presence.  Balin gave Thorin a rather wicked grin and slid from the office, leaving Thorin and his new intern alone.

"You will get me a cup of coffee," Thorin said.  "Dwalin said the shop across the street is pretty good.  Can you manage that?"

"Yes, sir," Bilbo bowed his head and ran out of the office.

Thorin sighed and rolled his eyes.  He looked out the window and watched the hobbit walk across the street.  What was Balin thinking, hiring him a hobbit as an intern.  Thorin could admit that he needed help in this lawsuit against Smaug, but was a halfling really the right choice?

He had no time to ponder as his door was flung open and Thranduil waltzed in.  Thorin's bad mood jumped to worse.

"What do you want, elf?" Thorin demanded.

"How does one get into a lawsuit with a dragon?" Thranduil asked easily.

"When said dragon steals one's fortune," Thorin growled out.  "Do you have a reason for being here?"

"Your boys are hanging around my son," Thanduil said.  "I don't appreciate them corrupting him."

"Good," Thorin smirked.  "Maybe little Legolas will finally learn to be a man."

Thranduil huffed, gracefully of course, and swept from Thorin's office.  Thorin chuckled with victory and turned back to the window.


	3. The Bakery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nori is simply obsessed with the baker next door to their little coffee shop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably going to be written a lot like The Erebor Pirates, a lot of 'one-shot-y' chapters that add up to a big fic.

Nori absolutely hated having to work in the coffee shop with his brothers.  Hated it.  The only reason he was working here was because the dwarves at Erebor Law decided that Nori could work at the shop instead of having to go to prison.  Dori was as good as any guard, as it was.  Nori could understand working at the coffee shop, but did he really have to be the baker?

No one ever ate the pastries at their shop.  There was a bakery next door that was so much better than anything Nori could make, even on his best days.  Why even bother?

Dori didn't really understand.

"Nori!  These cookies are too hard!" Dori exclaimed, shoving the offending cookies beneath his nose.

"Who cares?!" Nori asked.  "No one buys them anyway!"

"Well, maybe if you made them better then we could sell them," Dori countered.  "We are losing profit because  _you_ can't bake!"

"How am I supposed to compete with them?!" Nori gestured to the bakery.  "They are _flawless_.  What am I supposed to do?"

"You were a thief, weren't you?" Dori raised an eyebrow.

Nori eyes grew wide.  "You are kidding."

"I am not!" Dori said.  "You don't have to steal everything, just one or two recipes, just enough to keep us moving."

"I never thought I'd see the day," Nori shook his head.  "Dori asking me to steal something."

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Dori put his hands on his hips.  "Go!"

Nori scrambled out of the shop, tossing his apron on the counter.  Fine.  If Dori wanted him to steal some recipes, he would steal them.  Nori would make the greatest muffins and cupcakes he could.  He pushed through the door and promptly froze in his steps.

The bakery was absolutely divine.  It smelt amazing and the pastries and cakes were simply perfect.  It was small and quaint, but that wasn't what stopped Nori completely in his tracks.  It was the dwarf behind the counter.  Nori didn't believe in love at first sight, but there was definitely lust at first sight.

"Hi there!" the dwarf said cheerfully.  "Can I help you?"

"Yeah," Nori slid up to the counter, putting on his best smile.  "I was wondering what the best thing you have is."

"Oh, that's easy," the dwarf said, smiling brightly.  He reached down and pulled out red velvet cookie.  "This is my favorite.  Red velvet with white chocolate chips covered in powdered sugar."

"How much?" Nori asked, reaching for his wallet.

"Naw," the dwarf handed him the cookie.  "I don't charge pretty faces."

Nori laughed.  Oh he liked this dwarf.  He liked the dimples and the braids and the humor.

"What's your name?" Nori asked.

"Bofur."

"Well, Bofur," Nori took the cookie, their fingers brushing.  "I hope you know that I don't kiss on the first date."

"Fine by me," Bofur smirked.  "That means I get more than one date with you."

Nori walked back to the coffee shop with Bofur's phone number tucked safely in his pocket and the promise of a date that weekend.  Not even Dori's indignant shouts could bring him down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I did not expect that.


	4. The Freckles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin couldn't help but notice some things about Bilbo.

It started with the freckles (though later his nephews would say it started well before the freckle incident).  Thorin, up to his ears in papers and law terms and witnesses and copyrights and loopholes, was slowly losing his sanity.  He was hardly getting any sleep and if it weren't for the coffee shop across the street, Thorin would have fallen asleep on his desk.  As it stood, Thorin was highly caffeinated, strung out in battling a bloody dragon, and falling for his intern.

That last bit wasn't his fault though.

Bilbo did  _good work_.  That was enough to baffle Thorin.  Bilbo was surprisingly good with law, having read up on it in his home when he was bored.  Bilbo would simply dance into his office, coffee in hand and folders under his arm, humming a merry tune.  He never once complained about the workload, always seemed to be three steps ahead of Thorin, and was so damned cheerful about it!  It was maddening.

"Gloin and Oin have some video feed from the vaults to show you," Bilbo said as he set the coffee on Thorin's desk.  "They think it'll have some good evidence that Smaug did take your fortune.  You have a meeting with Balin discussing finer details on the case at 3:00 this afternoon, do not be late.  Dwalin has requested that you go shooting with him this weekend and your sister is taking you out for dinner tonight."

"Dinner?" Thorin glanced up at Bilbo, who looked completely unruffled as he tapped the screen of his phone.

That was hardly fair!  Here was Thorin, running Erebor Law, and he felt like a scruffy urchin with bags under his eyes and twitching fingers from too much coffee.  What right did Bilbo have to look so cool and collected?

"Six tonight," Bilbo nodded.  "I've already picked out your clothes.  She'll pick you up."

"My clothes?" Thorin repeated.  Had Bilbo been in his house?  His bedroom?

"Your nephews were very helpful," Bilbo smiled.  "Oh, and the Mayor of Laketown might have some information for you.  Balin's supposed to be working out those details.  Is there anything else you need, sir?"

Thorin, somewhere in his sleep deprived, frantic state, could hardly think of anything appropriate he wanted from Bilbo at this moment.  He'd very much like for Bilbo to take him out to dinner and come home with him and really see his bedroom, preferably without Fili and Kili around.  He'd even settle for bending Bilbo over his desk.  Hardly appropriate thoughts to harbor for his intern.

Glancing up from his papers, Thorin's eyes instantly gravitated towards something he'd missed about Bilbo.  The halfling had freckles.  Just a light sprinkle of them over the bridge of his nose.  They were so faint that Thorin could have easily missed them, had he not been staring at Bilbo's face with intense scrutiny.  Such faint little things, proof of sunkissed skin.

"That would be all," Thorin said.

Bilbo smiled brightly, his cheeks dimpling, and gave a small bow before leaving the office.

Great.  Freckles and dimples.  Mahal above was punishing him, Thorin just knew it.


	5. The Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dwalin brings Balin to the coffee shop

Balin knew that something was up with his brother the moment Dwalin came into the office with a steaming cup of coffee and a smile on his face.  Normally, Balin wouldn't intrude on such matters but it had been a long time since he'd seen Dwalin smile like that.

"What's got you in such a mood?" Balin asked.  "I've never seen you so happy.

"Just good coffee," Dwalin muttered, hiding his smile behind the cup.

"Please, brother," Balin smirked.  "I know you better than anyone.  Tell me."

"Just good coffee," Dwalin repeated.

Balin gave his brother a look.  It took more than a cup of good coffee to make Dwalin smile that way, all soft lips and rounded shoulders.  Dwalin was happy.  He was at peace, in a way.  Someone made him feel happy and Balin only wanted to thank whoever did it.

They never spoke of the coffee again.  Dwalin came in every morning with a cup and a smile and they never talked about it.  When Dwalin was ready he would talk and not a moment sooner.  Balin knew this and settled himself for the long wait.

Then Thorin started to come to meetings with the same brand of coffee and Balin got very suspicious.  Bilbo must be going to the same place as Dwalin for the coffee and Balin was simply dying to know what was so great about this place.

No sooner did the thought cross his mind that Balin found himself being led by Dwalin to the little shop across the street.  All this time it had been right there?  Balin could have gone over on his lunch break with time to spare.

It was a beautiful little shop, a place that Dwalin would normally never go to.  Far too nice for his rowdy brother.  The bell chimed and a slight looking dwarf came from the back, eyes lighting up at the sight of Dwalin.  Balin glanced at his brother and saw Dwalin's face soften at the sight.   _This_ was the reason he kept coming back.

"Ori, this is my brother, Balin."

Balin shook the boy's hand.  He was quiet but seemed sweet enough.  Someone good for Dwalin.  Balin nodded and ordered a pastry.  Ori had just wrapped it up when someone came bursting from the back.  Balin almost dropped his wallet at the sight.

The dwarf was plump and white, cheeks flushed and flour up to his elbows.  He was absolutely beautiful.

"Nori's gone again!" he shouted.  "Probably with Bofur doing who knows what.  I am going to kill him when he comes back!"

"Dori!" Ori hissed.  "We have customers!"

Dori looked up and his eyes landed on Balin.  Instantly, he was all smiles as he smoothed out his apron.

"Good to meet you," Dori held his hand out to Balin.

"The pleasure is all mine," Balin said, taking Dori's hand and placing a gentle kiss on the knuckles.

Dori flushed and he looked absolutely beautiful to Balin.  Ori choked from behind the counter and Dwalin's mouth hung open.  Balin laughed and asked Dori to join him for dinner that evening.  Dori said yes and Ori fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I typed this on my kindle so that's why it's not so great.


	6. The Books

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of Bilbo and Ori bonding time.

Bilbo sighed with relief as he entered the coffee shop.  It had been a long and taxing day at the law firm and he was dying to have a cup of coffee and a comfortable corner where he could sit and read in peace and quiet.

The lawsuit was not going as planned, to Thorin's dismay, and it was taking a serious toll on Bilbo's sanity.  He had been doing well under the pressure of being Thorin Oakenshield's Intern, but it wasn't easy and if Bilbo didn't have time for himself, he was certainly going to lose control in the office and Thorin wouldn't appreciate that.

"Looks like you've had a long day," Ori said, sliding a cup in front of Bilbo.  "How's the law suit?"

"Bad," Bilbo rubbed his temples.  "So bad.  Thorin hasn't been sleeping."

"Maybe I'll stop putting the espresso in his coffee," Ori threatened.  "A tired lawyer is a bad one."

"You try telling him to stop," Bilbo glared at Ori.  "He doesn't even listen to me anymore.  He locks himself in meetings all day, pouring over papers and videos like there's an answer in them.  He's completely lost control."

"What about dinner with Dis last week?" Ori asked, sitting beside Bilbo, hands under his chin.

"That was a bad idea," Bilbo took a healthy swig of his coffee.  "Thorin came in the next day raving on about how he lost precious time working on the case because he had to go to dinner and the opera with his sister."

Ori looked sympathetic and patted Bilbo's arm.  "He'll come around."

"Maybe after he works himself to death," Bilbo groused.  He mused into his coffee, wondering if there was something he could do to keep Thorin's mental health stable.  But he was just an intern, hardly someone Thorin would listen to.

"Hey!" Bilbo grabbed Ori before he could walk away.  "You and Dwalin are together, right?"

"Yes..." Ori blushed slightly.  "Why?"

"You have to help me," Bilbo begged.  "Thorin would listen to Dwalin.  Maybe if you could persuade Dwalin to tell Thorin to take a day off?  Balin too?"

"I don't know Bilbo..." Ori glanced down.

"I'm begging you," Bilbo said.  "If I have go through another day of Thorin like this, I might throw myself from the top of the building, it's exhausting."

Ori seemed to consider the offer and Bilbo held his breath.

"What do I get for doing this?" he finally asked.

"I'll buy you a book," Bilbo said.

Ori gave Bilbo a look.  "One book?"

"Okay... three books!" Bilbo said.  "Any three books you want, just please, help me out here."

"Deal," Ori smiled.  "This weekend we'll go get my books."

"Agreed," Bilbo sighed with relief and fell back into his chair.


	7. The Merging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bofur and Nori work something out.

Nori sighed as he stared at Bofur across the table.

"Stop that," Bofur said, chewing the end of his straw.

"Stop what?"

"Staring at me."

"Can't help it, love," Nori winked.

Bofur blushed and rolled his eyes, taking a long pull of his drink.  Nori didn't know how long they'd been together, they didn't really have a starting point, but it had been a glorious few months.  It was never supposed to be something this big.  Nori just wanted a few dates with a good looking dwarf, but a relationship wasn't exactly in the game plan.  But before he knew it, he was introduced to Bofur's family and they were doing things together and calling each other every night and texting all day and it was  _something_ and it didn't bother Nori that much.

"Look," Bofur said, his face serious as he pushed his drink away.  "There's something I really need to talk to you about."

"Anything," Nori said instantly.

"Bombur and Bifur... they're concerned, that's all," Bofur said quickly, reaching across the table and taking Nori's hands.  "They think you're a bad influence on me."

"I am," Nori smirked.  "And you are much too good of an influence on me."

Bofur laughed softly and his fingers gripped Nori's tighter.

"It's... not enough," Bofur said.

"What do I need to do?"

Bofur gave Nori a cringing look.

"You won't like it."

 

Dori was furious at the idea.

"You want us to do what?!" he demanded, slamming his fists on the table.

"It's not that bad, honest," Nori said quickly.  "You always talked about how their pastries were knocking mine out of the park, and now we can just merge and be one great shop!  All we have to do is tear down this wall, make a new sign and-"

"You make it sound so easy!" Dori roared and Nori flinched.  "You have no idea what it's like to run a business, do you?  There are standards and codes and rules to follow and we must adhere to them if we are to be successful!"

"But-"

"There is cost and profit and splitting the share," Dori rattled off.  "Not to mention who will own the title of the lots or-"

"Dori please," Nori placed his hands carefully on the table.  "It's about Bofur."

"What about your little toy?"

"It's not like that!" Nori said.  "I like him.  I like him a lot, Dori.  I like being with him.  If we don't merge with his bakery then his family will take him away from me and I can't live like that anymore."

Dori looked at Nori thoughtfully.  Nori didn't dare think about how he looked, wide eyed and frantic.  He needed this.  He needed Bofur in his life.  He didn't know how to live without him anymore.

"Fine," Dori sighed.  "Fine.  I'll do it.  But I am not going to like it."

Nori laughed with relief and pulled Dori in for a tight hug.  "Thank you!"

"Yes, yes," Dori patted Nori's back.  "I've never seen you like this, about anyone."

"It's complicated," Nori said.

"No," Dori sighed.  "I think it's very simple."

 

And so, after many hours of working through the legal process, the coffee shop and bakery merged and became forever known as the Blue Mountain Cafe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had all these grandiose ideas for this chapter, and this is all I came up with.


	8. The Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thranduil comes to speak with Thorin, as do a few others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thorin and Thranduil have a magnificent friendship hidden beneath the insults and flaming glares.

Thorin knew this day was going to be lousy when he saw Thranduil waltzing into his office.  Cursed elves and their silent feet!

"What do you want?" Thorin deadpanned.  Bilbo was sick today so Thorin was without coffee and eye-candy and not at all in the mood to deal with the prissy head of Mirkwood Security.

"I hear you've got a new intern," Thranduil said, sitting in a chair easily.

"What of it?"

"I also hear you've been staring."

"He's a halfling," Thorin sighed, turning back to his papers.  "Of course I stare."

"Not that kind of staring," Thranduil gave Thorin a withering look.

Thorin briefly pondered if he could get away with lying to Thranduil.  Which he couldn't, blasted elf would catch on too quickly.  Perhaps he could have him thrown out of the building?  Then again, Thranduil was one of Thorin's few allies in this lawsuit, as it was his security team that failed to keep his fortune safe.  Thranduil stared, his blue eyes piercing and eyebrows raised slightly.

"He has dimples," Thorin said, slumping into his chair and tossing the papers onto the desk.  "You _know_ how I feel about dimples."

"Your one weakness, indeed," Thranduil gave one of his cool smiles.  "I can't wait to meet this halfling of yours."

"He's not mine!" Thorin protested.

"Perhaps," Thranduil stood gracefully and moved towards the door.  "But Thorin, do make a move soon.  I fear you're not the only one who has him in your sights."

"What do you mean?" Thorin asked.

Thranduil simply gave a nod and left, the door sliding shut behind him.  Thorin gave a soft groan and slammed his head on the desk.  This was not supposed to happen in the least.  Bloody Balin getting him a cute intern that did everything right and had dimples and freckles and a smile like sunshine.  Thorin hit his head on the desk a few more times.  Of course there were others interested in Bilbo Baggins.  Who wouldn't be?  And Thorin couldn't do anything, seeing as Bilbo was his intern.  Nothing could ever happen between them.

The door slammed open and Thorin was up in an instant.

"Uncle!" Kili grinned.  "Why the long face?"

"Get out," Thorin said.  "I don't have time for either of you boys today."

"But... Thorin," Fili came up beside his brother, arm around Kili's shoulder.  "We just want to help."

"I don't need help from a couple of whelps like you," Thorin said, hands curling into fists.

"Not in the lawsuit," Kili waved his hand.

"With your intern."

"No," Thorin shook his head and walked towards his nephews.  "Mr. Baggins is my intern and there will be nothing happening and even if there was I certainly don't need your help with it."

He pushed the boys out of his office, despite their protests, and locked the door behind him.

"We just wanted you to drive us to his place!" Kili cried from the other side.

"Since he's sick we made soup!" Fili added.

"We wanted to give it to him."

"So he could feel better!"

"Is there something between you?"

"Oh, Uncle!" Fili's voice was a mix of shock and horror.  "No!"

Thorin pulled the door open, his blood boiling beneath his skin.  The two looked at him with slackjawed faces and wide eyes.

"You like him," Kili whispered.

"Shut up."

"You really like him!" Fili gasped.

"Shut up!"

"We have to tell Mother!" Kili said and the two of them turned to run.

"Oh, no you don't!" Thorin grabbed their collars and pulled them back.  "You will do no such thing.  If your mother found out about this, she wouldn't let me live another day in peace.  I'll take you to Bilbo's, you deliver your soup, and we never speak of this again.  Understand?"

The boys nodded and Thorin let them go.

"If you tell anyone, then I'm not buying you that car for your birthday like I was planning to."

"We won't tell!  We promise!" the chorused.

"Good," Thorin said.  "To Bilbo's then?


	9. The Rule

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You do not mess with Bombur's kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of sex, but nothing explicit at all. Mostly just awkwards.

It started with Bofur and Nori.  Bombur always came to the Cafe first, early enough to start the baking.  Hardly anyone else ever came this early, least of all Nori.  Dori and Ori usually came in an hour or so after Bombur to warm up the coffee machines.  Bifur soon followed to write the menu with his flowing handwriting.  Bofur and Nori tended to waltz in hours after they had opened with stupid grins on their faces.

It was five in the morning when Bombur drove up, still yawning.  He brought his oldest daughter with him, Maya, under the strict rule from his wife to train her in the shop so she could work there when she got older.

"It's too early," she yawned as Bombur opened the door.  "Why am I here?"

"Your mother wanted you here," Bombur said.  "And you know better than to go against your mother."

Maya nodded.  Bombur flicked the lights on.  Since they merged with the coffee shop, they had a lot more room to work with and Bombur really liked it.  He had constantly seen his customers go next door to have that magical coffee and seen many walk in with that elusive cup.

"That end is the coffee shop," Bombur said, pointing to the left.  "Depending on the rush, Ori might train you there, but for now, you'll be with me in the kitchen."

Maya stumbled along next to him, yawning again.  Bombur took her under his arm and held her close, kissing her forehead.

"Cheer up, dear heart," Bombur said.  "You'll like it here."

"Sure, Dad," Maya smiled up at him.

Bombur opened the door to the kitchen, took one look, and slammed it shut.  Maya looked up at him, her head tilted and eyebrows furrowed.

"Why don't you call Dori and ask him to come in a bit early," Bombur said gently.  "I have to deal with something in the kitchen."

"Can't I come with?" Maya asked.

"Better not," Bombur turned his daughter around and pushed her gently towards the office.  "Off you get."

Obediently, Maya went to the office and Bombur heaved a sigh.  He opened the door to the kitchen and grabbed his favorite ladle from the shelf, slapping it in his palm.

"Stop being a tease" Bofur groaned from the floor.

"Hush, now," Nori replied.  "Your brother will be here soon."

"Unless he's already here," Bombur took three steps forward and saw Bofur and Nori, naked and compromised on the floor.

They both turned flaming red and scrambled to grab their clothes, which were scattered about the kitchen haphazardly.  Bombur smacked his ladle a few times as the two stood in front of him, clothes held around their waist.

"Now, before you say anything," Nori said.  "Let me explain you a thing."

"What's there to explain?" Bombur asked.  "Do you have any idea what kind of health violation this is?"

"Bombur-"

"I mean it!  There are plenty of places to have a go at each other, but my kitchen isn't one of them!"

"Please!  It was my idea!" Nori said quickly.

"I don't care who's idea it was!" Bombur roared.  "You are both going to get dressed then spend all morning cleaning this kitchen, top to bottom, with bleach.  Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Bombur," they both bowed their heads meekly.

"And if I ever catch you two again," Bombur smacked the ladle into his palm.  Hard.  "Understand?"

They nodded and skittered off to the bathroom to get dressed.  Satisfied, Bombur left the kitchen only to see Maya, Dori and Ori staring at him.

"What was that about?" Maya asked.

"Nothing, little one," Bombur ruffled her short orange hair.  "Just clearing a few things up."

 

The next time had been far worse than seeing Nori between his brother's legs.  Maya had been doing well as the barista, practically becoming one with the coffee beans, which let Ori have a little more free time in the cafe.

Free time defiling poor Bombur's kitchen.

They didn't even have the decency to do it away from all of Bombur's favorite kitchen utensils.  Oh no.  Ori was sat right on Bombur's favorite counter for kneading dough, pants at his ankles, with Dwalin between them.

"Oh, Mahal, get a real room!" Bombur groaned.

Ori practically squeaked, pulling Dwalin closer and looking over his shoulder at Bombur guiltily.  He opened his mouth to say something, but Bombur interrupted him.

"Don't say a word, I'm sure I've heard it all," Bombur said.  "There is a  _staff room_ with carpet and a sofa and you chose to do it  _here_?  In my _kitchen_ of all places?" _  
_

"Nori said-"

"Nori is forbidden from entering my kitchen with Bofur," Bombur said smoothly.  "Dwalin doesn't even work here!"

"But-"

"No but's!" Bombur said firmly, stomping his foot for emphasis.  "You are going to clean the whole kitchen and I'm going to need it in a few hours before the big lunch rush."

"That's impossible!" Ori gasped, pushing his way around Dwalin and pulling his pants up.  "Dwalin has to go back to work in an hour anyway!"

"Then I suggest you get started," Bombur said, tossing a rag at him.

 

Bombur didn't sleep very well that night.  He could only think of the incompetence in his employees and not keeping it in their pants.  There had to be something he could do.

"You seem tense, love," Mirra whispered to him, her voice rough with sleep.

"Hard day at work," Bombur said.

Mirra rolled over and rested her chin on Bombur's chest, her auburn hair falling over her pale shoulders as she looked up at him with her sea green eyes.

"Tell me about it," she said.

Bombur sighed and rested a hand on his face.  "For some reason, everyone thinks it's okay to have sex in the kitchen."

Mirra gave Bombur a strange look.  Then her eyes went wide and she made a soft 'oh' and promptly started laughing.

"Well?" she asked between laughs.  "Who was it?"

"First was Bofur and Nori," Bombur said.  "At least they had the decency to look embarrassed about it."

"And the other?"

"Dwalin and Ori."

"No!" Mirra's laughtered doubled and Bombur felt his irritation growing.  "Not shy little Ori?  In your kitchen?"

"On the counter," Bombur said.  "I don't know why you're laughing about this.  Maya's there.  She could run into them at any time!"

"She's nearly seventy," Mirra said.  "You can hardly continue treating her like a little girl."

"She's  _still_ my little girl," Bombur said.  "Even when she turns 200."

"Perhaps you ought to talk to Dori," Mirra suggested, running her hands through Bombur's braid.  "He's in co-ownership with you.  Perhaps if you brought it up with him, something could be done."

"That's not a bad idea," Bombur mused.

Mirra smiled and leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to Bombur's lips.  "Good, now go to sleep."

The next morning, Bombur was armed with a plan.  He would explain to Dori exactly what was happening in his precious kitchen and request his help in stopping it.  Yes.  Dori was always the scary one in their cafe.  Certainly the others would listen to him.

"Maya, could you start the pies?" Bombur said as they walked in.  "I need to have a little talk with Dori."

"Daaad!" Maya groaned.  "I hate making pies!"

"All the more reason for you to do them," Bombur tweaked her nose with a smile.  "Get to it.  The sooner you start the sooner you'll be done with them."

She rolled her eyes and walked to the kitchen, dragging her feet the entire way.  Bombur chuckled to himself at his daughter's antics.  Still acting like she was forty.  He walked over to Dori's office, in the back left corner, and knocked on the door.

No answer.  Bombur knocked again.  Strange.  Mondays were Dori's biggest day and he usually tried to get here early.  Bombur carefully opened the door, not wanting to startle Dori if he was in his office.  There was no need for caution, it seemed, as the office was empty.

Well.  Perhaps Dori was running late?  Though that was unlike him.  Bombur had never known anyone so by-the-book as Dori.

"Dad!" Maya came screaming around the corner, her cheeks pink and eyes wide.  "You- I mean- Dori and- your kitchen!"

"What?" Bombur looked at her strangely.

"Kitchen," Maya said.  "Go."

"Maya, if this is about those pies-" Bombur started.

"No!" she grabbed his wrist and started dragging him across the cafe.  "Just go!"

"Really!" Bombur huffed as he opened the kitchen doors.  "If you don't want to make the pies, just say so!  No need for-"

Bombur stopped in his tracks at the sight before him.

"Told you!" Maya said.

Balin and Dori.  On Bombur's beloved stainless steel island.

"Get out!" he roared, reaching for the closest utensil to him, a spatula.  He walked purposefully towards the two and smacked them both, hard, round the heads.  "Get your horny asses out of my kitchen!"

They tumbled off the table and Bombur chased them from his kitchen, smacking them every chance he got and not even allowing them to gather their belongings.

"I have had enough of you bastards mucking up my kitchen!" Bombur shouted when everyone had arrived, Maya snickering with Bifur in a corner.  "From now on there is a rule.  No one, I mean  _no one_ is allowed to enter that kitchen unless accompanied by me or Bifur.  Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Bombur," they chorused.

"And if I catch any of you screwing around in there, I'll have you doing my dishes for a week!"

"Yes, Bombur," they chorused again.

"Thank you!"

 

Once Bilbo asked about the sign on the kitchen door.

"What does it say, exactly?"

"Coitus free kitchen," Ori sighed.

"You didn't!" Bilbo laughed hysterically.

"Hey!  Nori started it!"


	10. The Delivery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somewhat begrudgingly, Bifur delivers coffee to Erebor Law.

Bifur didn't like Erebor Law.  Well, to be correct, he didn't like the  _building._  It was big, shiny, and rather too showy for his tastes.  However, they were becoming some of their most loyal customers and Dori wanted to reward that and Bombur agreed.  Now, why Bifur had to be the one to brave the lawyers deliver the coffee was beyond him.  Perhaps because Ori would have been compromised by Dwalin had he gone, and no one trusted Bofur or Nori with anything anymore.  Not since the delivery to Thranduil.

That didn't mean Bifur had to like the idea.  In fact, Bifur detested the idea of walking into the building, going to the top floor, and finding the conference room of Thorin Oakenshield and deliver a ridiculously large amount of coffee.  If Bombur hadn't sworn that Bifur would be off babysitting duty for a month, Bifur might have protested.

He took a deep breath, reminding himself that it would be okay and there was nothing to worry about, and walked through the doors.

"Ah, for Master Thorin, yes?" the receptionist greeted Bifur warmly.  "He'll be at the top floor.  Room 2045."

Bifur nodded and stepped into the elevator, balancing the coffee as he pressed the button for floor 20.

"Hold the door there!" a voice called and Bifur jabbed the "open door" button quickly.

The dwarf that ran in was gray haired with a marvelous beard and seemed to be rather out of breath.

"Top floor then?" he said, glancing at the buttons.  "Myself as well.  What brings you here?  Not seen you around before."

"Thorin," Bifur gestured to the coffee.

"Pardon?" the dwarf asked, cupping a hand around his ear.  "My hearing aids have gone missing.  Speak up?"

Bifur carefully put one tray of cups on top of the other, praying it wouldn't fall.  He lifted up his hand and signed, very quickly, Thorin's name.  The dwarf's eyes widened and he smiled brightly.

"Well, there's one solution," he laughed as the elevator pinged.  "I'll show you the way."

Bifur walked beside the dwarf and they chatted through the hallways, though Bifur was using sign language most of the time.  The dwarf, it turned out, was one of Thorin's allies in the Smaug Lawsuit.  He had a brother who doted on his son.  He was originally training to be a doctor, but found that medical school didn't agree with him and law school did.  But he still knew enough about medicine to keep someone alive in an emergency.

He opened the door to room 2045 and Bifur followed.

"Ah, Oin, just in time," Thorin said, pulling him in.  "I need your medical history.  Who's this?"

"From the Blue Mountain Cafe," Bifur said, setting the coffee on the table.  "From Dori and Bombur."

"That doesn't answer my question," Thorin said, even as he gratefully took a cup.  "Who are you?"

"Bifur, at your service," he bowed.


	11. The Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo's stress is taking a toll on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been working on my Hobbit Big Bang recently which is why this hasn't been updated much.
> 
> Warnings for self-harm.

Everything was fine.  Bilbo just had to keep telling himself that.  Everything was  _fine_.  He wasn't shaking with weakness.  His body wasn't aching from neck to toe.  His mind wasn't running a million miles a minute.  And his emotions certainly weren't worn down to the wire.  Bilbo Baggins was just fine, thank you very much.

He waved goodbye to Ori from behind the counter, gave a smile to Bofur, and hopped on the last bus to his neighborhood.  It was a long ride from Erebor Law to his apartment, but Bilbo didn't mind that much.   He didn't mind tonight, never.  His mind wasn't running through the problems that Thorin faced against Smaug.  His mind wasn't strung out on caffeine and pizza.  His hands weren't shaking because he'd let his health decline spectacularly.  He didn't stumble home because he hardly had any strength left.

Bilbo opened his door and was barely able to lock it before stumbling to the couch.

Perhaps Bilbo was a little in denial.

What was he to do?  Bilbo couldn't exactly work less at this point.  Thorin's lawsuit was falling apart and he needed Bilbo's help to be successful.  Bilbo couldn't stop now, he couldn't show any weakness.  He had to keep moving for Thorin.  He pressed the button on his answering machine, though he wasn't sure who was calling his home phone, most people called on his cell.

" _B_ _ilbo Baggins, this is the Real Estate Agent for the Shire, calling to ask about an estimate on your home.  Mr. and Mrs. Sackville-Baggins have_ \--"

Bilbo never pushed a button so hard in his life.  His heart was definitely pounding now and he could readily admit that his hands were shaking.  What a silly thing to get worked up on, but Bilbo couldn't help it.  It was the last straw.

What was Bilbo thinking, leaving his home for this?  He must have truly been a daft idiot to believe that he could ever be successful in the city.  He was a halfling, born to live out in the quiet countryside.  He wasn't supposed to be on an adventure like this.

He was a failure, wasn't he?  He couldn't be a good gentle hobbit in the Shire and he was hardly doing his job as an intern for Thorin.  Wasn't there anything Bilbo could do right?  He couldn't even save his parents when they were dying!  Who is Bilbo Baggins anyway?  Just a name for a hobbit who can't do anything right.  Just a mistake.

How he wanted to scream.  To tear his skin off and be free.  He wanted to tear up the papers, throw a few dishes, knock over his bookshelf, maybe throw his television out the window.  He wanted to do  _something_ to match the bitter anguish he felt inside.  Something, anything, to let go of this pain of being  _completely useless_ to the world.  Bilbo couldn't even be angry properly!

He settled for sitting in his kitchen knees up to his chin, sobbing.

It was too much, it was too big.  There was so much of life that he couldn't do.  What was the point of it anymore?  He dug his nails into his skin, sharp pinpricks of pain that sparked in his fuzzy brain.  It was clarity.

Bilbo stood suddenly, the tears gone, with a horrible idea in his mind.  He'd heard of it before, those who sought after pain, he just never imagined he'd be here himself.  It was a kitchen knife, and the handle was familiar against his fingers.  It wouldn't be deep, just enough.

A knock on the door made him jump.  Bilbo pushed the knife back into the block, wiped the tears away, and opened the door.

"Bofur, Ori," Bilbo leaned against the frame as his two friends smiled.  "What brings you here?"

"You," Ori said, pushing his way inside.  "Bombur made you truffles and I brought a movie."

"We also told Thorin that you're not going into work tomorrow," Bofur came in after, shutting and locking the door.  "This is your time to get better."

"I don't-" Bilbo started

"You are stressed beyond belief," Ori gently led Bilbo to the couch.  "You don't smile or joke as much."

"So we took it upon ourselves, as your friends, to give you the best TLC possible," Bofur smiled and jumped next to Bilbo, holding out a box of truffles for him.

"I..." Bilbo started to say.

"Nope," Bofur stopped him.  "You can talk tomorrow.  Right now, you need chocolate, tea, and a movie."

Bilbo smiled softly then and didn't say anything while Ori bustled around his kitchen and Bofur went on about what happened at the cafe.  The movie was some action film and the tea was soothing.  Bofur and Ori were on either side of him, a warm and comforting presence.  Bilbo sighed and relaxed.  Tomorrow, he would talk.


	12. The Sister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dis meets Bilbo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Hopefully this will start to pick up again.
> 
> Also have some terrible writers block that comes with fandom jumping and working a lot and various other growing up activities.
> 
> Thanks for being patient guys :)

Thorin crossed his arms as his sister stood before him.  She put hands on her hips and tilted her head to the side.

"Brother," she said sweetly.

"No," Thorin shook his head.

"You always talk about him, it's only fair," Dis said.  "And he seems to be the only thing keeping you sane during this whole ordeal."

"You're going to get attached to him," Thorin reasoned.

"As if you aren't already attached to him," Dis waved her hand.

"I'm not attached!" Thorin protested loudly.  They did not understand the gravity of the situation, clearly.  Thorin could not be attached to his intern.  That would only cause more problems and how could Thorin live with himself if he made Bilbo's life difficult?

"Oh, Thorin," Dis said, her eyes growing rather sad as she touched his arm.  "You were always bad at facing the truth of your emotions."

"He's my intern," Thorin said softly, melting underneath his sister's gaze.  "There's not much I can do."

"Very well," Dis said.  "I can see that this isn't going anywhere."

Before Thorin could stop her, Dis had her cellphone in hand and, with a few quick taps, put it to her ear, smug smile splitting her face.

"Dis..." Thorin growled.

"Hello Balin, dear," Dis said sweetly.  "Yes, it's about the halfling.  Ten minutes?  i'll be there in two.  Yes, thank you."

She snapped the phone shut and grabbed her bag.  Thorin's brain went straight into overdrive.  Balin had always favored his sister and he knew that if Balin was on her side, he was not going to win.

"Please don't do this to me," Thorin pleaded.

"It's for your own good, brother," Dis said.  "You can't see it, but we can."

"See what?!"

"If you could see it, then I wouldn't be interfering," Dis said wisely.  She grinned brightly and practically pranced out of the office.

Thorin hesitated for a few seconds before running after her.  She waved from the elevator just as the doors closed.  Damn her!  Thorin, aware that he was in his suit and head of the Erebor Law Firm, sprinted for the stairs.

By the time he made it to the bottom floor, he was exhausted, sweaty, and gasping for breath.  His eyes narrowed at the innocuous cafe across the street.  That seemed to be where all his problems arose.  Thorin, already frustrated from the Smaug Lawsuit, felt his anger boil over.

He stormed across the street, pushing stray hair behind his ears and trying to straighten up, a hard task considering his run down the stairs a few minutes previous.  But he was Thorin Oakenshield.  He could make this work.  It was all about confidence.

Confidence which evaporated the instant he stepped inside the cafe.

Bilbo and Dis were sitting beside each other smiling at talking with coffee and cake on the table in front of them.  Bilbo looked lovely, as always.  He looked better when he smiled.  It was a shame Bilbo didn't smile that often.

Thorin knew he had something to say when he barged into the cafe, but now he was at a complete loss for words.  Somehow his intern always did that to him.

"Quite the pair, don't you think?" Balin came up beside Thorin.  They're getting along famously."

"I was afraid of that," Thorin sighed.  "Tell your lover boy to bring me a coffee please."

"Strong and black?" Balin guessed, not phased by Thorin's comment.

"Please."

Thorin collapsed into a booth, cradling his head in his arms.  This was literally the last thing he wanted.  He couldn't have Dis meet Bilbo.  Thorin was never going to live it down.  She was always like this and it drove him crazy.

"Mr. Oakenshield?" Bilbo's timid voice floated over Thorin's mental breakdown.

Thorin sat straight up, nerves singing as he turned to see his intern standing beside him, Dis beside him and a soft smile on his face.

"Yes?" Thorin said, his voice not cracking in the least.

"Thank you for introducing me to your sister," Bilbo said.  "She's quite charming."

"She certainly is..." Thorin gritted his teeth.

"And she told me about how you were planning a celebratory dinner for winning the lawsuit?"

"If we win the lawsuit," Thorin corrected.

"And would it be okay if I came along as well?"

Dis stood behind Bilbo, her smile wide and mischievous.  Her eyes glittered and she knew exactly what she was doing.  Trust Dis to pin Thorin between a rock and a hard place.  He had nothing to combat her in these kind of situations.

"That would be lovely," Thorin sighed.

"If you'd rather I didn't-"

"Oh no, please come!" Thorin said quickly, too quickly if Dis's smirk was anything to go by, but Bilbo's blinding smile made it worth it.

"Thanks!  I look forward to it."

Bilbo and Dis left Thorin to his flustered, stuttering state.  He slammed his head onto the table.  How is it that he couldn't string two words together around Bilbo Baggins?  This little halfling came in and turned the suave and majestic Thorin into a bumbling mess, much to the humor of everyone else.

"Your coffee, sir," Ori came by, setting the ceramic cup down.

Thorin mumbled incoherently.

"You know," Ori said.  "It helps to talk about things."

"Nothing to talk about," Thorin said.  "Stop listening to Dwalin.  He's corrupting you."

Ori smiled and put a hand on Thorin's arm.  "You've not met my brother.  Anyway, just something to think about."

Thorin refused and drank his bitter coffee with as much antagonism as he could muster.


	13. The Apartment

Ori loved Dwalin's apartment.  It wasn't large or spacious by any means, especially compared to the home he shared with his brothers, but there was a sense of freedom that came with Dwalin's little flat that made Ori love it.

Perhaps it was the huge windows that gazed over the city skyline.  Perhaps it was the sleek hardwood floors.  Perhaps it was the way that Dwalin didn't really decorate his apartment, the walls covered with tapestries from Balin and sketches from Ori.  Then again, perhaps it was the lack of Dori and Nori.

Over time, Ori had grown quite comfortable with Dwalin's apartment.  He knew where the sweets were hidden, how to turn the faucet at the right angle, where the creaks in the floor were.  Somehow, this apartment had become just as much 'home' as Dori's house.  The thought didn't scare Ori one bit as he turned on the coffeepot.

Even with the barest of essentials, Ori could whip up a pretty decent cup of coffee.  At least, that's what everyone else said.  Still, Ori couldn't complain.  It wasn't like everyone could buy and espresso machine or grind their own coffee beans.  Ori just worked with what he had.  Even if it was instant coffee and some milk.  He's worked with worse.

There was something peaceful and soothing about making coffee early in the morning for Dwalin.  Better than making it for himself, that was for sure.  Every morning, draped in Dwalin's sweater, Ori would stand on the balcony and look over the city, mug in hand.  That was where Dwalin would find him.

"You'll catch a cold," Dwalin's voice rumbled over the still air.

"Not wearing this I won't," Ori countered, turning and flashing a grin.  "It's your day off, yeah?"

Dwalin nodded.

"Go back to bed then.  I won't be a moment."

"Nah, I'll wait," Dwalin said, coming up behind Ori, resting his chin on Ori's shoulder.  "Rather have you."

"You soppy old dwarf," Ori chuckled, taking a sip of his coffee.

They stood there in the cool, morning air, watching the sun rise over the city.  Ori didn't have to go into work today, Maya having mastered the coffee at the cafe.  Dwalin didn't have to spend the day thinking about the case, which was a blessing from Mahal.  The Smaug Case had been running for too long and Thorin was losing patience which mean that Dwalin and the rest of the firm were too stressed out to breathe.  A day off would be lovely.

"Plans for the day?" Ori asked.

"Move in with me?" Dwalin practically breathed the words into the air, tightening his grip on Ori's waist.

"That'll take more than one day, dear," Ori said.

"But we can start today," Dwalin reasoned.

Ori turned around, still surrounded by Dwalin's strong arms.  He smiled.

"I suppose we can."


	14. The Revelation

No matter how many times Bilbo visited Blue Mountain Cafe, or how often he had lunch with Bofur, the halfling was still baffled by the amount of gossip a group of dwarves could entertain themselves with.

It was more baffling how much of that gossip involved him.

Not to say Bilbo Baggins was surprised that there was gossip surround him.  A little hobbit trying to make his way in the big city.  Of course folk would talk.  Many elves had never seen a halfing, most dwarves thought they were myths, Bilbo had grown used to the stares and whispers that followed him.

But this kind of gossip was beyond the type that Bilbo was used to.

"Dis suspects something," Bofur mentioned during one of their luncheons.

"What kind of something?" Bilbo asked wearily, already used to Bofur's brand of gossip.  Similar to Nori's in fact.

"Something between you and Thorin, perhaps?" Bofur said with a gleam in his eyes.

Bilbo gave Bofur his best hard-eye stare.

"I hardly expected you to believe such trivial matters," Bilbo said calmly, twirling his straw in his glass.  "Dis, I'm sure, is concerned for her brother and is seeing relationships where there might not be one."

The look Bofur gave him could only be described as incredulous.

"Given a lot of thought on that?" he smirked.

"If you have something you want to share with me, by all means, do so," Bilbo leaned back in his seat, prepared for the worst.

He could always count on Bofur to be as dramatic as possible, to elaborate any story to the point of disbelief.  This seemed to only get worse as Bofur met Nori.  It was, however, part of Bofur's charm.

"I'm hearing from sources, reliable ones at that, that you and Thorin seem rather... close."

"Hardly," Bilbo said, his stomach twisting at the accusation.

"And that Thorin has taken to staring at you," Bofur's eyes twinkled.

"I had hardly noticed."

"He seems to turn into a stammering fool whenever you are in the room."

"I suppose that is true," Bilbo said.  "I never thought about it..."

"That dwarf loves you," Bofur said.  "How badly to I have to spell it out for you."

"You... what do you mean?"

Bofur slammed his head in his hands.  He looked up and gave Bilbo a long suffering look.  Bofur was prone to dramatics.  Bilbo was used to it.

"I've known Thorin for a long time.  I watched him rise and fall to power.  I've been working here since Thorin inherited the company and he has never been flustered and he's never stammered once in his life.  He has been nothing but charming and smooth.  Nothing has ever gotten underneath his skin before."

"But I'm just-"

"Oh no, you are not getting out of this one," Bofur insisted.  "I've seen the way _you_ look at him."

Bilbo hesitated.  Part of him wanted to tell Bofur all that was resting on his heart, the feelings and emotions that seemed to crush his chest.  Bofur was loyal and trustworthy and Bilbo's closest friend.  If Bilbo couldn't trust Bofur then he couldn't trust anyone.

"I'm his intern," Bilbo said heavily, the words weighing on his tongue.  "Any relationship would be... inappropriate.  And considering the lawsuit at hand and the press coverage... it would be unsightly for Thorin to be seen having an affair with an employee."

Bofur sighed and proceeded to pout at the table.  "That is not cool.  You like him, right?"

"I suppose so," Bilbo hedged.

Bofur didn't buy it.

"Okay, yes, I like him.  I love that silly dwarf despite him being my employer and maybe, someday, when this is over, something will happen."

Bofur's face lifted ever so slightly, his eyes crinkling just enough to signal a hidden smile.  He had an awful poker face and, for once, Bilbo was grateful for it.

"Don't you dare sabotage my job," Bilbo said, glaring as much as he could.  "If I lose my job because of you then I will never,  _ever_ , forgive you."

"That's only if we get caught, right?"

"And if you bring Nori into it, then I'll get Dwalin to hunt you down."

"I'm not going to do anything," Bofur smirked.  "I think I might actually let this one play out."

"Bofur..." Bilbo sighed, rubbing his forehead.  "I come to lunch with you so I am less stressed, not more stressed."

"There are better ways to de-stress," Bofur winked.

Bilbo chuckled.  "Not for me, not yet."

"Yet?" Bofur's eyes gleamed.

"We'll have to wait and see, now, are you going to eat or gossip all afternoon?"


	15. The Wager

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to be on the opposite of a writers block. I'm getting back into this and I'm excited to write it :)

Dori loved that Balin took him out.  Not the kind of outings that Nori and Bofur went on (dark bars and cheap food) or the outings that Ori and Dwalin went on (a mix of museums and diners).

Balin was the type of dwarf that appreciated the finer things in life, something Dori enjoyed immensely.  However, and it was going to turn up sooner or later, Balin had a slight problem involving gambling.

Mostly in betting against Dori on pointless things.

"So, love," Balin said, taking Dori's hand in his across the table.  "I have a bit of a proposition for you."

Dori tried very hard not to roll his eyes at that sentence.  He had a feeling he knew where this was going.

"Not this again," Dori said.

"This is a good one, I swear," Balin said, a curious twinkle in his eyes.

"Does it somehow, just maybe, involve a certain lawyer and his intern?" Dori couldn't help but ask.  "They seem to be the high topic of gossip these days."

"Do you fancy a little wager on them?"

"How is it that such a fine, upstanding lawyer, such as yourself, finds pleasure in such a business as betting?" Dori asked, slightly exasperated.

"It's called a hobby, love," Balin smirked.  "I bet ten dates that Thorin and Bilbo get together by the end of this lawsuit."

"We're betting dates now?" Dori couldn't help but laugh, tightening his grip on Balin's hand.  "And I thought it was hard enough when we were betting dessert recipes."

"If Thorin and Bilbo hook up by the end of the lawsuit, then you owe me the next ten dates," Balin said, his eyes glowing with excitement.  "But if not, then I owe you the next ten."

"And what if, just hypothetically, we aren't dating when that happens." Dori couldn't help put in.  Balin loved it when Dori challenged his theories.

"Then it must be because I married you," Balin smiled.

Dori flushed, not something done easily.

"Well," Dori managed to say.  "I suppose that is a possibility."

"Do we have a deal then?" Balin asked.

"Could I ever say no to you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgot how hard Dori and Balin are for me to write. Whoops.


	16. The Plot

Bofur knew that he promised to not get involved with Thorin and Bilbo.  And that he promised to not get Nori involved with it.

But this was just too good.

"Alright love," Bofur said, taking Nori's hand and leading him out of the shop.  "I've got something important to tell you but it is an absolute secret."

"I'm good with secrets," Nori grinned.

"Not exactly the words I would use," Bofur chuckled.

"Are you gonna tell me or not?"

Bofur tugged Nori along, leading him through the streets of the city.  It was a busy afternoon and the roads were covered with cars and buses.  Dwarves, elves, and men alike commuting to and from work.

"Where are you taking me?" Nori asked as they passed out of downtown.

"Just someplace new," Bofur smirked.  "Found it the other day with Bilbo."

"What's the news on our little halfling?"

"And that is why we're going to this new place," Bofur said cheerfully.  "If Bilbo ever found out what we were doing then he would literally kill us."

"Ooh, dangerous and gorgeous," Nori winked.  "I knew I liked you for a reason."

Bofur just smiled and tugged Nori along.  Bilbo was probably going to kill him if he knew what he was about to do, but Bofur felt it was for the best.  He'd known Bilbo since the hobbit came to the big city and if there was anyone who needed a good shagging, it was Bilbo.

And Thorin too, now that Bofur thought about it.  Thorin could use that kind of relaxation.

Honestly, Bofur would be doing them a favor.

He tugged Nori into the little diner, sitting them into a corner while a young elf came up to them.  Nori raised an eyebrow at the service and Bofur shrugged, "Good food, love."

They sat down, ordered something to drink and a plate of cinnamon rolls.  Nori tapped Bofur's foot with his own and grinned.

"So about Bilbo..."

"Well, he's finally admitted to loving Thorin, that's something, right?" Bofur said.  "There's just the whole... boss and employee relationship."

"And why did Bilbo ask you not to tell me?"

"He's concerned about us trying to sabotage his job so he and Thorin can get it on," Bofur said easily.

"Well, that would be the easy way," Nori gave an evil grin.

"And that is why I wanted to tell you," Bofur leaned back, sliding a foot up Nori's leg.

"Speak no more, sweetheart," Nori leaned forward, eyes all business.  "One romance plot, coming right up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know exactly how Bilbo and Thorin end up together, I'm just waiting for the right time and it's killing me a little.


	17. The Children

Bilbo had thought meeting Dis would have been the end of the awkward family introductions.  Unfortunately for him, Bilbo forgot about Dis's children.

Fili and Kili were not as bad as Bilbo had originally been led to believe (by Thorin).  They were just rambunctious children, something Bilbo had to deal with back home on a multitude of occasions.  They were loud, brash, strong, courageous, and loyal.

And fairly good with threats.

"Thorin has his heart set on you," Kili said over coffee.

Bilbo, who had been looking over a file of a man named Bard, glanced up at Kili over his glasses.

"Excuse me?"

"He dotes on you," Fili agreed, delicately eating a slice of cake.  "I've never seen him like this before."

"He does not dote on me!" Bilbo protested hotly.  "If anything, _I'm_ the one doting on _him_!"

Twin smirks broke out on their faces.  Bilbo could have slapped himself.

"It's not like that, boys," Bilbo sighed, gathering his papers.  "I am Thorin's intern.  I make sure everything in his life is in order so that he can better focus on his lawsuit.  That's all there is to this.  Nothing can happen between us and nothing will, so long as I work for him."

"But-!"

"No buts," Bilbo said firmly.  "This is important to your uncle.  I doubt he would appreciate it if you were the cause of his intern losing his job."

For the moment, they conceded defeat.  Kili drank his coffee with a pout and Fili only picked his cake apart.  Bilbo smirked and put his papers away.  Maya came to check on them and Bilbo brushed her off with a few well placed compliments ("You truly have your fathers bearing!").  The three sat in silence, Fili and Kili silently fuming and pouting, while Bilbo had a smug air about him.

"Did you know that Bard witnessed Smaug's attack?" Bilbo said conversationally.  The boys grunted and Bilbo continued, "He saw the dragon swoop in and burn Thorin's inheritance to the ground, one of the only eye-witnesses.  He would be vital to the lawsuit."

By now, Fili and Kili had brightened up.  They were both looking at Bilbo intensely, hanging onto his every word.

"You should talk to Thorin," Fili said slowly.

"Soon," Kili nodded.

"I plan to," Bilbo smiled, snapping his briefcase shut.  "I'll see you boys later."

 

Thorin winced when he was accosted by not one fancy-pants-blond-elf but by two.  Low blow, bringing you child to a verbal cock-fight.

"Thranduil," Thorin said, not bothering to stand up.

"Thorin," Thranduil inclined his head slightly.  "I see the lawsuit has you in its grasps."

"I see that you need your son to provide your backup," Thorin countered.  "And need I remind you that it was  _your_ security agency that failed to keep my fortune safe?"

"Because there is so much my people can do against a fire-breathing dragon," Thranduil said dryly.  "Really, Thorin, it's a wonder you have come this far in the lawsuit at all."

"Father," Legolas said, putting a hand on Thranduil's arm.  "He's doing the best he can."

"Oh, I am well aware he is only doing the best he can," Thranduil's eyes were icy.  "Pity his best isn't good enough."

"That's why he's got Bilbo!"

Thorin breathed a sigh of relief at the voice of Gimli and let his head fall onto his paper covered desk.  There was only ever one being that could reign in Legolas and, by extension, his father, and that was Gimli, son of Gloin.

The dwarf in question stood in the doorway, hands planted firmly on his hips and eyes filled with fire.  He and Legolas were friends, of a sort, much to the dismay of their fathers.  Even with Gimli just in the same room, Legolas seemed to soften around the edges.

"Ah, yes," Thranduil said.  "The halfling."

"He's not half of anything!" Gimli said, clearly affronted that Thranduil would imply Bilbo was anything but a complete master at law.

"Perhaps he is half of Thorin."

Those damn elf eyes twinkled knowingly and Thorin could have throttled him.  Legolas seemed to sense the murder in Thorin's gaze for he quickly ushered Gimli and Thranduil out of the office.

Alone once more, Thorin stared at the mass of papers scattered across his desk.  Police records, video files, timelines, witness statements, all of it gone to hell.  He just wasn't getting anywhere on this case!  It had been years since Smaug "allegedly" destroyed everything he owned and they were no where closer to closing the case than they were when it started.

With a roar, Thorin pushed the papers off his desk, sending them flying in the air and flipping the desk itself over.

It just wasn't fair!  Evil men walked away from court on a daily basis.  It was Thorin's job to find them and punish them for their crimes.  it was Thorin's job to sell it to the judge and jury that a person deserved prison.  And yet here he was, unable to find solid evidence on a dragon.  A bloody dragon!  How could there be no eyewitnesses to a dragon melting an entire subdivision?

"Excuse me, sir?"

Thorin turned, chest heaving with anger.  There stood Bilbo Baggins, prim and proper as ever, with a look of panic in his eyes.

"Um, yes, Bilbo?" Thorin managed, sweeping his hair back and straightening his tie.

"I may have found an eyewitness.  One that could turn the whole lawsuit onto our side."


	18. The Visit

Thorin tried not to shake too much as he unlocked the door to his house and ushered Bilbo into his front room.  This was a whole new level of wrong.  This was beyond the secret stares and suppressed emotions.

At least he had the pretense of work to cover his nerves.

"Can I get you anything?" Thorin asked.  "Coffee?  Water?"

"I'd kill for a beer, if you don't mind," Bilbo said, dropping his things on a table.  "This is really important."

"And you don't want to be sober?" Thorin couldn't help but smirk.

"I'll take tipsy at this point," Bilbo sighed, opening his case and pulling out papers.

Thorin took out two beers and sat across from Bilbo, handing one across.  Bilbo smiled his thanks, popped the cap, and took a long drink.  Thorin pointedly didn't stare.

"What is it you found out?" Thorin asked.

"In a moment," Bilbo said.  "Relax, sir.  It would do you some good."

"How can I relax with this lawsuit going on?" Thorin asked sharply.

"Show me around?" Bilbo suggested lightly.

Thorin's heart was pounding in his chest.  There was absolutely no way that this hobbit was unaware of what he was doing.  Wordlessly, Thorin stood and gestured for Bilbo to follow.  He gave a brief tour of his house.  It wasn't much, just a simple bachelor's pad that had touches from Dis (artwork here and there, actual food in the cabinets and so forth).  Bilbo paused at the television, staring at the monstrosity and glancing back at Thorin.

"What?"

"You don't seem the TV type," Bilbo shrugged.

"Fili and Kili use it for their games," Thorin explained.  "And Dis insists on movie nights, so I get to keep it."

From there, Thorin led Bilbo back to the desk, sitting down and drinking his beer, a little warmer after the tour.

"You have a nice place," Bilbo said.  "Pity you live here alone."

"It's not too bad," Thorin said.  "But, ah, the matter at hand?"

"Oh, yes," Bilbo pushed a paper towards Thorin.  "Bard the Bowman."

Thorin picked up the paper and skimmed over it.  The man was tall and thin, a proud set to his face.

"He saw Smaug destroy your home," Bilbo said.  "He's our only eyewitness.  He can turn this whole thing around."

"What do you propose we do?" Thorin asked, eyes gleaming.

"I think it's time to call him in and speak with him," Bilbo said, eyes sparkling bright.

"And why did you decide to tell me here?" Thorin couldn't help ask.

"I wanted to see your house," Bilbo said lightly.

Thorin flushed to the roots of his hair.


	19. The Gossip

Dis swarmed into the cafe, eyes blazing.  She zeroed in on Ori behind the bar and stormed up to him.

"Do you have any idea what that hobbit has been up to?" she practically shouted, slamming her hands onto the counter.

Ori flinched, "Um... no?"

"He wormed his way into Thorin's house!" Dis threw her hands in the air.  "I have no idea how he managed to do that, but Thorin never lets people into his house!  Especially not people like Bilbo."

"And what's wrong with Bilbo?" Bofur called out, coming to the counter.

"He's bloody perfect for Thorin, that's what's wrong," Dis said.  "And as long as he remains perfect for Thorin, my idiot brother isn't going to do anything about it but sit, stare, and mope."

"So isn't this a good thing?" Ori asked as the rest of the crew started coming out.  "Didn't we want Bilbo and Thorin to get together?"

"Well, yes, but-"

"Bilbo was at Thorin's place?" Nori interrupted her, draping himself over Bofur.

"Nothing happened-"

"Then the game is still on!" Nori grinned, pressing a sloppy kiss to Bofur's cheek, to which Bofur giggled and pushed him off.

Dis stopped her rant, staring at Nori and tipping her head.  "Game?"

"The bet on when Bilbo and Thorin finally get some sense into their thick skulls," Nori shrugged."

"Actually, the bet is whether or not they'll get together before the lawsuit is over," Dori corrected his brother.  "And I wasn't aware that Balin roped you into it."

"I didn't get roped into it, I volunteered," Nori said.

"Well unvolunteer," Dori snapped.  "I don't need you to bleed Balin dry.  He needs that money."

"Why?  To take you to the theater?  Or whatever it is you do..."

"Yes, that's exactly why!"

"Like you have anything to worry about," Ori scoffed.  "Balin only bets on things he knows is going to happen.  He's a lawyer."

"Do you mind?" Bombur stormed into the shop, ladle in hand and fire in his eyes.  "This is a  _cafe_ where folks come to  _eat._ I am not housing some kind of... gossip house!"

"I beg you pardon!" Nori turned, looking absolutely affronted, hand over his heart and everything.  "This is a  _profit_ that I'm making!"

"Nori, love," Bofur said gently.  "You're probably gonna lose that bet."

"Does no one care that Bilbo is still Thorin's intern?" Dis said before Nori could speak.  "They can't do anything yet!  It would be improper and ruin Thorin's reputation!"

"Aw, let it," Nori shrugged, to which Ori slapped him.

"I know Bilbo," Ori said, leaning over the counter and placing a hand on Dis's.  "He's a smart hobbit.  He wouldn't risk the lawsuit for anything.  You've just got to trust him."

Dis nodded, taking a slow, deep breath.  Of course she could trust Bilbo.  Where Thorin was brash, Bilbo was soft.  Yes, there was nothing to worry about.


	20. The Pink Slip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here guys!
> 
> Also, having reread chapter 4, may have found a continuity mistake that has been rectified.
> 
> These chapters are really short, and for that I apologize.

It was late and Thorin was still in his office.  The others had long since gone home, each dutifully patting him on the shoulder and whispering words of encouragement.

Bard had been invaluable in his eyewitness report.  That, along with the salvaged security cameras, should be enough to bring down the dragon once and for all.

Despite the confidence that Bilbo had in Bard, Thorin was still uneasy.  This wasn't a lawsuit that was recommended to pursue.  When you are battling a fire-breathing dragon, there was always a good chance that one might end up burned alive.  But, as Balin was fond of reminding Thorin, dragons were diplomatic and just as capable of being reasoned with as any other species or race.

"Mr. Oakenshield?" Bilbo's voice floated to him.  Thorin glanced up and saw his intern, hesitantly standing in the doorway.

"Please, just Thorin," he said, gesturing for Bilbo to come inside.

"Mr. Oakenshield," Bilbo closed the door behind him, lips quirking up.  "Have you been here all day?"

"Yes, and I plan to be here all night," Thorin looked back at the files.

"Your lawsuit is tomorrow," Bilbo plucked the files off Thorin's desk and tucked them neatly under his arm.  "You won't be of any use if you can't keep your eyes open."

Thorin stood up, practically towering over the halfling, but Bilbo didn't bat an eye.  Instead they were... twinkling?

And that, Thorin reasoned, is why he said the most foolish thing he could have at that point.

"Will you go out to dinner with me?"

Bilbo blinked and took half a step back.  "Dinner?"

"Yes, with me, please?" Thorin took a step forward.

"But, sir, I am your intern," Bilbo said, taking another step backwards.  "The impropriety of it would be scandalous."

"I don't give a damn about propriety," Thorin took Bilbo's wrist in his hand.  "Not with the way you've been acting."

"Well," Bilbo said, his lips quirking up in that devilishly cunning smirk.  "Nothing get's past you, Thorin Oakenshield."

"You're fired," Thorin said, pulling Bilbo in closer.  "Come to dinner with me?"

"But of course," Bilbo said as he let the flies drop to the floor.


	21. The Move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is nearing the end and I just want to thank you for sticking with it and reading and commenting and for every kudo you've given.
> 
> It really is inspiring and humbling to have been a part of this. So thanks guys :)

Dwalin heaved yet another box of books into the back of the truck.  Ori hovered beside him, the hint of an embarrassed smile hovering around his lips.

"Sorry," Ori shrugged.  "If I go, the books come with me."

"Nothing to be sorry about, lover," Dwalin kissed the top of Ori's head.  "I'm glad to have them."

"That's good to hear," Ori perked up.  "There's four more boxes."

Dwalin sighed and hung his head.  Four more boxes.  That was a lot of books and for once, since this whole venture started, Dwalin started to wonder if his apartment could hold everything.  Granted, Dwalin didn't have much to begin with and he wanted nothing more than to bring their lives together, but maybe he had been a bit too hasty.

"Dwalin," Ori's hand touched his cheek.  "It's going to be okay.  We'll figure this out."

"Out of the way, baby bro!" Nori's voice came screaming over them.  Dwalin sighed and turned around, only to see Nori and Bofur, arm in arm, charging for the house.

"Nori?" Ori peeked around Dwalin.  "What are you doing here?"

"The love of my life here and I just signed a lease to an apartment!" Nori pressed a sloppy kiss to Bofur's cheek.

Bofur rolled his eyes.  "Yeah, we're moving in today."

"So everyone is leaving me," Dori sighed, dropping a box of Ori's clothes.  "I can't say I'm surprised that this would happen."

"Oh, don't get all sappy now," Nori groaned.

"Sappy?" Dori scoffed.  "I am celebrating!  Finally I can have both of your horny asses out of my house and I can be alone."

"Yeah," this time it was Dwalin who scoffed.  "Alone."

Dori didn't even flush, just turned around with a huff back into the house.  Ori chuckled and buried his face into Dwalin's shoulder.

"I am never getting over that," he whispered.

"Your brother and mine?" Dwalin smiled.

"Too weird," Ori chuckled.

It took the better part of the day, reinforcements in the form of various dwarves and a few elves, and almost three moving trucks, before all of Ori's things were safely stacked in Dwalin's front room.

They both collapsed onto the couch, arms aching and eyes heavy.

"Would've gone faster if Nori wasn't trying to move out at the same time," Dwalin muttered.

"And if Balin wasn't moving in," Ori said through a yawn.

"Just our luck that everyone wants to move when we do," Dwalin said.  "Now what?"

"Tomorrow," Ori mumbled, curling into Dwalin's side.  "That's for tomorrow."

"Okay, tomorrow," Dwalin agreed.


	22. The Lawsuit

Bifur paced the courthouse.  He had been pacing so long he memorized the number of tiles on the floor.  72.  Bofur was sitting on a bench, hands tightly woven with Nori's.  They were nervous.  All of them.  It was strange.  Considering Thorin was, at the moment, on the courtroom floor, verbally sparring with a dragon, the courthouse was silent.  Not a growl to be heard.

It was eerie and unsettling.

"It's not natural," Dori huffed, standing against the wall with his arms folded over his chest.  "This silence."

"Dragons can be quiet if they want to," Nori said.  "Smaug is just really good at it."

"So it appears."

Silence fell on them again.  Bifur was used to it.  The silence.  It comes from working with those who can't speak.  You learn to listen with your eyes instead of your ears.

Dori stood still against the wall.  His eyes flickered the door every few seconds, the tension in his shoulders tightening when there was no one on the other side.  When he wasn't glancing at the door, he stared down at his wrist, upon which he wore an elegant watch.  A gift from Balin, no doubt.

Nori and Bofur had their hands grasped so tight their knuckles were turning white.  They whispered to each other, laughing softly, but their eyes were fixed on the door to the courtroom.

Then there was Bifur, pacing back and forth, counting the tiles he stepped on, even though he knew the number by heart.  His hands twisting into frantic knots behind his back.

They all had someone on the other side of that door they were hoping came out alive.

"A bloody dragon," Dori huffed.  "Thorin couldn't get into a lawsuit with anything less dangerous, could he?"

A rhetorical question, obviously, but Bifur signed his answer behind his back regardless.

 _Bilbo is in that room as well_.

It would take a lot more than a fire breathing dragon to stop Thorin from keeping Bilbo Baggins safe.  He doted on that hobbit more than Dwalin dotes on Ori.  As long as Bilbo was in that room, then everyone would be safe.

Oin would be safe.

If they all survived this, if they won this lawsuit, then Bifur would tell Oin everything he felt.  This was far too important to ignore, to wait for the right moment.  There were never right moments, just good enough moments.  And this moment, their victory, would be good enough.

The door slammed open and Ori came bursting through, cheeks pink and gasping for breath.

"What's happening?" he asked.

"Nothing," Dori snapped.  "Nothing is happening.  Nothing has happened for the past three hours!  It's been hell, Ori.  Right hell."

"So they're still in there?"

"Aye," Bofur said.  "Been there forever."

"Are they... okay?" Ori's voice was soft and hesitant.

"So far," Bifur said.

A tremendous roar echoed through the courthouse, shaking the building to the floor.  Bofur and Nori both stood up, glancing up at the ceiling.  Ori grabbed onto Dori.  They all stared at each other.  That sounded like a dragon.  A very angry dragon.

The courtroom door opened and out came Thorin, Bilbo at his side, both of them grinning brightly, fingers linked.  Behind came a swarm of dwarves, elves, and men, all cheering and applauding.  Behind them was Smaug, his large head sitting snug in the courtroom, eyes narrowed.  Smaug lifted his head and, with an almighty whoosh of air, took of into the sky.

"We did it!" Thorin shouted out, lifting a fist in the air.  "We won!"

Bofur and Nori went limp in each others arms, falling back onto the bench.  Dori wormed his way next to Balin and the two were whispering quickly and quietly together.  Ori had weaved through the crowd and jumped into Dwalin's open arms.  As for Bifur, he waited.  The crowd passed, many cheering for Bard, who looked ready to sink into the earth at this point.

In the back, dutifully gathering the papers and various other items, was Oin, humming merrily to himself.  Bifur smiled to himself and walked into the courtroom.  He never would have guessed what kind of lawsuit had taken place here, but the room was clean and clear.  No sign a dragon was ever in here.  Bifur tapped Oin on the shoulder.  The slightly deaf lawyer turned around, glancing over his glasses.

"Good to see you alive," Bifur said.

"Good to be alive," Oin chuckled.  "Got a bit touch and go there.  But we made it out in the end."

"Care for dinner then?" Bifur asked casually.

Oin took off his glasses and gave Bifur a grin that could only be described as saucy.

"I wondered when you'd be asking me that."

Bifur could only smile and give Oin a soft kiss on the cheek.


	23. The Dinner

Thorin's house was packed to the brim.  Bilbo grabbed two drinks from the kitchen and weaved through the crowd, smiling and nodding as he went.  Opening the back door to the porch, Bilbo slid up next to Thorin, holding the beer out wordlessly.  Thorin took the bottle with a smile and tucked Bilbo under his arm.  They leaned on the railing as the wind blew through the changing trees. 

"Sounds like Bofur's singing," Thorin said.

Bilbo laughed and wiggled a little closer to Thorin.  "Bofur is singing and Nori's trying to give him a lap dance.  He's only a little drunk."

Thorin nearly snorted into his beer.  He looked at Bilbo with incredulous eyes and Bilbo only nodded.

"Not to mention that Dwalin and Ori seemed to have disappeared.  Personally, I think they're hiding in one of your spare rooms."

"Dori must be having an conniption," Thorin said.

"He would if he was here," Bilbo nodded.  "He and Balin left hours ago.  But you know what they say about dwarves."

Thorin glanced down at Bilbo.  "No... what do they say?"

"Oh, something about endurance and stamina and all that," Bilbo brushed it off, taking a drink of his beer.  He glanced at Thorin from the corner of his eyes, pleased to see a faint blush on his cheeks.  He smiled with false innocence.  "Am I wrong?"

Thorin leaned down, his lips brushing Bilbo's sensitive ears.  "I'm sure you'll find out soon enough."

Bilbo laughed and leaned his head back onto Thorin's shoulder.  "I plan to."

The door behind them opened and they both turned to see who would be coming out into the cold like this.  It was Dis with her sons at her sides.  The three of them had matching grins on their faces.

"Just wanted to let you lovebirds know that the party is winding down, in case you wanted to make an appearance sometime tonight."

"I've made enough appearance to last a lifetime," Thorin said, tugging Bilbo in by the waist.

"Very well," Dis said.  "If that is what you want.  I'll get everyone to leave you two alone."

"Much obliged," Thorin smiled.

The door closed and Thorin looked down at Bilbo, who looked back up at him.

"You know she's not going to send them away yet," Bilbo said.

"I know," Thorin said.  "But we can get away."

Bilbo trailed his hands up Thorin's shoulders, twining fingers behind Thorin's neck, beer bottle still dangling.  "I would ask 'your place or mine' but I think we know the answer to that."

Thorin leaned down, breath tickling Bilbo's mouth.

"I think we do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad this story is over because my brain has been sucked dry of this verse for now.
> 
> :)


End file.
